Children learn and discover things while growing up. This process could be very challenging sometimes and different kids react differently to this challenge. Some children are persistent and others just give up and find something else to do. Is this a problem? Maybe, giving up is definitely not a good quality, and should therefore not be encouraged from an early age. Don’t let your child develop this habit because it will haunt him throughout his life and you would have had a part in it, for not helping him when you could and that is now.
What Makes Your Child Give up?
Children, like adults, learn every day, except adults sometimes know what to expect, while children don’t. This process of experiencing new things every single day could be fun as well as a frustration. Some kids just want the easy way out, and what better way is there than giving up. Some of the reasons that could be responsible for this behavior include the following:
1. Frustration
One reason some children give up easily is because they can’t handle it when things don’t go the way they want or expect them to. This doesn’t mean that your child is unrealistic or spoiled; your child might have a learning disability and simply doesn’t know what to do. It could also mean that it never occurred to him to ask you for help when things go wrong. When he keeps on failing repeatedly, getting it wrong all the time on the same task, he might give up.
2. Loss of Interest (Too Hard or Too Easy Tasks)
Children need to be interested in the tasks they do to keep on doing them. If the task is too hard for them, they lose interest, if the task is too easy, it becomes boring and they will lose interest. Some children are also just easily bored and lose interest easily, therefore, giving up. So you need to engage them in interesting not too hard or too easy tasks that will challenge them but not frustrate them to the point of giving up or bore them to the point of giving up. Keep it balanced and interesting for the child.
3. Learning Disability
Your child might have a learning disability and this can be responsible for him giving up easily. If your child has a learning disability, it doesn’t mean he can’t learn at all. But he will need some help and will need to work extra hard. Because of the difference in the way the brain takes in and processes information, kids learn differently and at different paces. The trick here will be figuring out how your child learns best. You can help your child with the help of a learning specialist or a school psychologist.
3. Lack of Confidence
Self-confidence is what keeps us going, children are no exception. If your child is not confident in himself, once the task gets tough he gives up or says things like “I can’t do this” “I am dumb”, “it is too difficult for me”, this is a problem and you need to help him find a way through it. This doesn’t make him dumb as he said, he is just unsure of himself and the good thing about that is, confidence can be taught; it can be developed with time through practice.
4. Children Who Easily Lose Focus
Kids with focus problems can be distracted by the littlest of things, things that people who don’t have issues with focusing will not even notice. Kids with focus issues are sometimes hyperactive. Being hyperactive isn’t just limited to racing around; kids might frequently pick up items and gadget with them without even knowing they are doing it, taking away their focus from what they are doing.
Help Your Child Stop Giving Up
After looking at some of the reason that could be responsible for this behavior, we will now look at possible steps that will help you as a parent to assist your child in overcoming the habit of giving up easily. Keep in mind that like any other behavior, your child can learn and develop new behavior, and he can also learn to overcome undesirable behaviors.
Here are a few ways to help your child:
1. Make the Task Easier
Sometimes, a difficult task can become very overwhelming for your kid. One way to make the task more comprehensive and manageable for the child is by dividing the task into several easier tasks and offering help. Don’t abruptly take over the task from the child, instead ask, “How can I help”. This will make him know that you are available and ready to help if he needs you. Even when he asks, don’t do the entire task for him, find out what the hard part of the task is and explain it or divide it so that it becomes easier for him to understand and do on his own.
2. Don’t Impose High Expectations on Your Child
Find out whether the task you are assigning to your child is age appropriate and you are not overreaching and stretching your child. Sometimes, the child really isn’t capable of what you are requiring and a short in your expectation will most definitely help build his confidence. Give him tasks that are in line with his age and appropriate for his age and offer your help when he requires it. And most importantly, when he is unable to finish a task on his own, don’t express disappointment or dissatisfaction, and recognize his efforts instead.
3. Recognize and Praise Efforts and Hard Work
Don’t wait until the entire task is completed to praise your child, you need to recognize every effort he puts into from beginning to end. This will encourage him to keep going even if the task if very difficult for him. When he makes a mistake, encourage him to see every mistake as an opportunity to learn and grow. Notice and praise all his little efforts, it builds confidence and gives one the zeal to go on.
4. Try New Things
Reduce the pressure by focusing on exploration and learning rather than on performance outcome. The idea is that the child gets to experience new things and make up his own mind. Help him understand that his performance does matter, but what truly matters, even more, is how hard he tries. Forcing your kid to do something that he is not ready for only makes things worse. He will feel anxious about doing it and overall he will become less willing to do it. Offering him alternatives, something new gains his interest and gives him the confidence to do it.
5. Encourage Healthy Competition
Children are afraid of losing which is why some of them are also afraid of competing. When you compete, you run the risk of losing, so some children avoid competition. However, unhealthy competition focuses on flaws and failures; a healthy competition drives your child to work hard and also teaches him how to lose graciously. Explain to your child that competition is good for testing his skills and perseverance.
6. Let the Child Know You Understand
Letting your child know that you understand comes from connecting and communicating with him. It is easy for your child to think that you won’t understand and keep his thoughts and frustrations to himself. Instead, let him know that you do understand. When he opens up and tells you something make sure you emphasize, ‘I can see how frustrating that is. That must make you mad. He needs to know that you are on his team and know that his feelings matter to you.
7. Give Feedback
When your child does something, try to talk to him about it and what you think he could have done better and how. Feedback to children has to be constructive and specific; guide them, don’t lecture or scold them. Focus on the behavior, what went wrong and how it could be improved; avoid attacking their personality or character. You also need to be mindful of your tone when giving feedback to your child.
8. Learning through Mistakes
Mistakes are unavoidable even for adults. So teach your child to find solutions whey he comes across an obstacle. Empower him to take charge and control of the situation on his own. Let him know that you share the same objective to not give up. Acknowledge his failures with empathy, let him grieve and encourage him to find solutions on his own. Be understanding, teach him to be resilient and remind him that at times things will not work out as they expect, but they don’t have to give up because of it and no matter the outcome, you will always be on their side.
Conclusion
Children learn from their parents so be careful how you conduct yourself around your children. If you are the kind of parent of always gives up on tasks, your children can pick up this habit from you. So, practice what you preach and try to understand your children, be in touch, communicate and connect with them and encourage them to stick to the task until it is done, and don’t forget to recognize, praise and, if possible, reward their little efforts.
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