What To Do When Your Child Runs Away From Home or Threatens To

School-aged kids threaten to skip town over things like not wanting to do their homework, wanting more screen-time or in hopes of a later bedtime. Other times the threat is said in anger or as a way to manipulate you. Your child knows that it will break your heart if he says he wants to leave. Whatever the reason, laughing it off, getting angry or taking it personally won’t help the situation.

Kids run away all the time, most run away experiences are brief and are concluded when the child realizes that hiding at a friend’s or the park is actually boring and sometimes a little bit scary, and maybe the whole leaving home thing was a bit of an over-reaction. Parents watch with gratitude and relief, but also sometimes mixed with anger as their son or daughter sheepishly returns home, shoulders slumped, defeated.

Despite the intensity of the emotions you are experiencing as a parent, it is important to keep calm in order to have the necessary energy to take the needed step to figure out why this happened in the first place and come up with a solution that will ensure that it never happens ever again.

In cases where your child threatens to run away, stay calm, tell him that you would really miss him and you don’t want him to run away. By doing this, you are making them feel like they do have control and that you are hoping they make the choice to stay with the family. But don’t roll over and give in to his demands. This is not advisable because then every time he wants something he will threaten to leave home if he doesn’t have it. You cannot say things like “I would really miss you if you run away so you can watch TV as much as you want, just don’t run away”. However, you can negotiate terms.

To kids, running away is like taking a long, dangerous timeout. They may use it to avoid some difficulty at home or to hide from their parents after doing something wrong. It could be a power struggle because kids will often run instead of taking responsibility for their actions or complying with house rules. Above all, as a parent, remember, what you don’t want to do is to give this new habit, or threat, power.

Why Would Your Child Tend To Run Away?

This is the lead question you need to answer if you are going to solve this problem in the first place. Sometimes, a child becomes extremely emotional often disproportionately to the actual incident and feels a need to fight or flee. Knowing that the fighting is certain to end badly, fleeing becomes a far better option for him, hence the running away or threatening to run away.

Here are different kinds of kids to try to run away from home:

1. The refugee

This child has had enough and just wants to be left alone. Sometimes parents are overbearing, authoritarian, and coercive to the point that the child feels that the only way he can have any power in his life is to get away. He is a refugee seeking freedom and power of his own to make his own choices about the things that affect his life.

2. Guilty as charged

Other times, embarrassment and shame may promote running away. The same goes for the desire to hide something from parents. When a child is too embarrassed about something, he might run away from home, because he is too ashamed to face his parents. It could also be about something he did that he doesn’t want his parents to find out about.

3. The Punisher

The punisher runs away or threatens to run away purposely because he wants to punish his parents. He is usually so mad about something that he thinks that leaving home or threatening to leave home will cause stress and anxiety for his parents. He feels that he is justified in his actions because somehow his feelings are hurt and he wants to make sure his parents feel the same too. The punisher is vindictive and feels justified and most of the time very angry.

4. The Attention Seeker

Attention is very important to kids. Your child needs your attention and if you don’t give it to him, he will find his own way of getting. Don’t let your child be invisible to you, because when he feels neglected and left out, he will seek out your attention and you will not like his tactics. Running away or threatening to run away is one such tactic and it is effective because you will be worried as a parent if your child runs away or threatens to run away, so he will do this purposely to just to gain your attention.

How to Handle the Situation When Your Kid Runs Away or Threatens To

Running away does not, will not, and cannot solve the problems our families face. This is something that our children often struggle to comprehend. As hard as it can be, you need to help your child through his struggles, even when those struggles are with you; you have to come up with ways to help him while teaching him at the same time. You have to determine if every fight or battle is really worth it, you also have to make him understand this.

Here are other ways to help your kid:

1. Have a dialogue

When you child threatens to run away from home or returns home after running away, establish an immediate open dialogue with him instead of punishing him. You need to dig into the deeper issues, not just the superficial ones; you have to get to the cause. If he won’t talk to you, you may consult a professional therapist, school guidance counselor, religious figure or another relative to reach out to him so you can start figuring out what is really going on. Most of the time, kids run away or threaten to run away in response to a specific problem or stressor that they think can be solved by leaving home, e.g. bullying, bad grades, home pressures etc. you have to determine if there is a legitimate problem or just a power struggle.

2. Be honest about your home environment

You need to know what is affecting the child at home so much that he would run away from home or threaten to run. You have to do a clear and honest assessment of what it is like in your home. If there is a situation where one parent is harming the child, or parental fighting is causing a stressful home environment, you need to get immediate help. Make sure the child is not abused in any way, be it physical or verbal. Seek help from a therapist if necessary, but as a parent, you need to put your home in order. Your child needs to feel safe, secure, protected, free and empowered at home. Any form of violence at home should be avoided at all times.

3. Set acceptable boundaries

It is good to have boundaries and rules around the house, and these rules and boundaries need to be age appropriate, reasonable and clearly explained to the child. If the boundaries are too strict, it might cause rebellion, yet too much freedom is also not good because he will think that he can get away with anything and everything he does. There has to be a balance between the two, and it has to be reasonable, acceptable and well defined to both sides.

4. Avoid punishing the child  

If for some reason your child runs away or threatens to run away, one thing you don’t want to do is punish him. This will in most cases result in rebellion and that will only escalate the situation and even make him leave home. Listen to his reasons for wanting to run away, and find a solution, reach a compromise of some sort that will suit and work for the both of you. Punishment will never solve any situation for you or your child.

5. Give your child some breathing room

As stated above, the reason for running away or wanting to run away may be as a result of a power struggle. To mediate this, you need to allow the child to have some form of control, let him make choices about some of the things concerning his life. Give him the chance to choose what to do, this is not advised all the time, but when and where necessary and possible, you as a parent need to give him the chance to make his own choices.

Conclusion

This is a common issue in children and is naturally part of growing up, however, it is better to confront it at its earliest stages and put a stop to it. If need be, take your child to a therapist or a guidance counselor for professional support. And in cases where the child did in fact run away, make sure you find out where he is going and be sure that he is safe. If you can’t find out where he is, then call the police. Kids will be kids, and growing up is a challenge you will have to help them over come.