What To Do When Your Daughter Is Going on Her First Date

Well, whether she is two or nine years old right now, the time will come when she will have to go on her first date. Maybe even sooner than you think, you probably won’t see it coming, because the average dating age is now lower than it used to be. Twelve and a half for girls and thirteen and a half for boys, and so because your daughter’s first date may be an unexpected event for you, it is important to carefully consider your parenting role in this situation.

Note, this is part of growing up, and like it or not, it is eventually going to happen, so it is better for you to be prepared and accept the fact that you will have to share your little girl with some stranger, except you can decide whether he is a stranger or you can accept him as a part of your daughter’s life and therefore a part of the family. There is nothing to fear, in fact, if you do your work well, everything will go exactly according to your plan, your daughter will be happy, and you will be comfortable knowing that she is in good hands, safe, sound and happy.

Here are a few ways to play your role as a parent:

1. Set Appropriate Boundaries

Though you are excited for your daughter for liking someone who likes her back, you still have to be a parent, and that means looking out for her. If you feel your daughter is too young to start dating, set a rule about her dating age. It is recommended that girls go on one-on-one dates around the age of sixteen. Consider allowing her to go on group dates with friends or low-key dates chaperoned by parents. While she is still young, if your daughter is old enough to go on a bona fide one-on-one date alone, discuss whether or not she will have a curfew and what a reasonable time for her to be home is. Ask her to let you know where she and her date are going so that you don’t have to wonder where she is. Discuss all these things with her ahead of time, and keep your boundaries consistent.

2. Be Excited for Her

This is an exhilarating moment in your daughter’s life. She is experiencing feelings of liking someone romantically that is being reciprocated. This is a new phase for her and she needs you to hold her hand through it. It is a true turning point in growing up, and she will likely be happy about it when she tells you.  Don’t freak out or react in a negative way. Even if her announcement makes you angry, anxious or sad about how fast she is growing up. Instead, tell her that you are happy she has found someone she likes that much, and that you are looking forward to meeting this special person.

3. Meet Her Date

This is good because it will help you feel calmer about who your daughter is spending time with. You might set up a time to meet her date before their date, by asking if he or she can come over to dinner in advance. Or you might ask that her date pick her up at your house so you can spend some time getting to know him or her before the couple leaves the house. Your daughter is likely to be nervous about having her date meet her parents, so frame this as a time to get to know the other person rather than as a time for judgement.

5. Get into Your Daughter’s Shoes

While your daughter’s venture into the dating world may cause you justified anxiety, remember that teen dating brings many benefits. Dating will help your daughter learn how to communicate, how to negotiate and how to determine what qualities she appreciates in friendship and perhaps in a life partner too. Take time to remember your first date, who it was, how you felt, where you went and what you wore to help you put yourself in your daughter’s shoes and give you a better perspective. If you survived without too much damage, your daughter probably will too. Also, remember how your parents reacted, they can be an example of what to do or not to do for you, now that you are in the parent role.

6. Prepare her Before Time and Set your Expectations when the time comes

You may be placing your daughter in the care of a date for a few hours, but her welfare is ultimately tied to the guidelines you set and how well you have prepared her for this moment. It is good for you to take your daughter out on dates before Prince Charming enters the scene. Use the time for some straight talk about sex, safety, and romance, discuss the importance of listening to her intuition. Also, set a curfew. Ask her to keep her phone with her and on at all times, emphasizing that you will respect her time and will only call if it is absolutely necessary.

Things Your Daughter Should Know Before Her First Date

Ok, it is time, but your little girl needs to know some things first before she goes out on her big night. This is good especially, because the first date could have a lot of dictates on how the relationship proceeds. So your girl needs to know the following.

1. No means no

If at any point during the date she is uncomfortable, she needs to say no and he or she needs to respect that. And if she needs to be picked up, you are only a phone call or text away

2. Go to a public place

It is always good to go to a public place for the first date, movies, dinner, bowling or any other activity out in public are good choices for a first date. Tell her not to go somewhere completely alone with someone she is just getting to know.

3. Let her be herself

Her date asked her out for a reason, so let her just be herself. She doesn’t need to make him like her by acting like someone she is not.

4. Let her have fun

Dating should be fun. It gives you a chance to get to know people of the opposite sex, or of the same sex, allows you to figure out what qualities you want in a mate and you also learn a lot about yourself in the process.

5. Let her date come to the front door

Make sure her date picks her up, a gentleman won’t sit in the driveway and honk the horn, a gentleman wants to meet your family no matter how nervous he is. Also, make sure your daughter understands that there is a difference between pretty and trashy. More and more girls seem to think that wearing less clothes make them prettier, the truth is you can dress in a respectable manner and look absolutely stunning. Respectable boys want respectable girls.

6. Tell her to engage in a conversation with her date

There is nothing more awkward than being on a date where neither of you speak. Before your even go on the date, think of some conversation starters, college goals, sports or activities the two of them are active in, best family vacations, music etc. He should pay for the first date and make sure your girl understands that just like she expect him to act like a gentleman, she is also expected to act like the amazing young lady that she is.

7. Trust Your Daughter

Once your daughter starts dating, she has passed a threshold from childhood into adolescence. Now she has a significant private life, and she is developing important relationships outside of her family, maybe for the first time. Trust that your parenting thus far has given her tools to build healthy and nurturing romantic relationships. Remain open to communication with her, but respect her privacy as well. Your trust in her will make her feel like she can confide in you.

When the night rolls around, focus on keeping yourself calm, knowing your daughter is at least as nervous as you are. Keep your attitude positive, and express to your daughter that you truly hope she enjoys this special moment. Make plans to go out yourself or have a dinner party to keep from over-obsessing and worrying about your daughter. You may have a barrage of questions upon her return home, but give her time to process the evening’s events personally. Ask her about her date in the morning, but demonstrate sensitivity to the degree of data she may or may not want to share with you.

A date is not the end of the world, this could be an amazing experience for you and your daughter, it all depends on how you the parent make sure you involvement is meaningful and helpful, yet not too much to the point of intimidating or making your daughter feel that you are too controlling.