What To Do When Your Kid Does Not Listen

Kids are kids and will always be kids no matter the situation. When your kid doesn’t listen to you, yelling and screaming at him will not change anything. You have to find out what is responsible for the behavior and tackle the problem from its roots. In doing this, make sure you listen and to your child and take into consideration his feelings.

The Reasons Kids Don’t Listen to Their Parents

Ignoring parents is a classic passive power play, and it works. While big, loud and angry power struggles are obvious ways to struggle, passively ignoring parental requests can also erode at the fabric of family life. However, kids will always be kids and what that means is that their behaviors are formed in the most part, based on their interaction with their parents. How their parents react to the wrong and right things they do while growing up is a very powerful factor that influences the behavioral development of the child. So when your kid doesn’t listen to you, the problem is almost always not with them, but with you the parent.

Here are a few common reasons why:

1. Attention Seeking

Every child craves parental attention. When this attention is not given or scarcely given, the child may resort to his own ways to gain back this attention. When children ignore their parents, they unconsciously know they are the ones holding the reins. This knowledge is unconscious because most small children are simply not making conscious decisions to struggle with their parents. They are just doing what they know how to do, and in this case, it is ignoring the parent to receive attention.

2. Lectures and Sermons

Children decide whether to listen or not from the way parents speak to them, and from the tone of their voice. Remember, a child’s attention span is short, so use declarative statements and be clear with what you want your kids to do. If you keep on lecturing your child, he/she will feel that you are forever talking and talking without listening. It works best to not lecture or preach, instead take their view too.

3. Bad Role Models

You cannot preach what you do not practice. If you don’t listen to what others try to tell you, or basically do the things that you are asking your child to do, you cannot expect them to listen to you. Children learn more by observing than instructions and always look up to parents as role models. If kids notice that parents don’t follow the very rules they are setting they will lose faith and will not listen. Parents undergo a lot of stress not only due to kids but also due to other pressures form society and relatives regarding handling their children. As parents, it’s of utmost importance to be a good role model to your kids. Strive to be a good listener so if they notice you listen, they will do the same. If they see that you don’t listen when someone talks or when they talk, they will imitate what you do. Remember, you kids are watching what you do. They imitate your actions more than your words and it all happens so fast, sometimes you won’t even notice.

4. Medical Condition

On rare occasions, you child may have a listening problem or other medical conditions that are preventing him from haring what you say. Check with a pediatrician or a doctor and make sure to go for regular consultations until the condition is solved.

5. Shouting

Sometimes when you lose patience, you just yell and tell your child to listen to you. Sometimes you’re just angry and you take on your frustration to you child. This is very bad and inappropriate and will only make you child lose interest in whatever you will say. No matter how bad a day you are having, when talking to you kid, be firm and decisive, but do it in a calm and kind way.

6. Talking When Your Child is Not Listening

It is very important that you get the attention of your child and let him/her know that you need to talk to them before you start talking. They might be doing something else, ask them to stop whatever it is they are doing and listen to you carefully. Make sure there are no other distractions. Making an eye to eye contact is also very essential.

How to Turn the Table Around

When your child doesn’t listen to you, there is always a reason responsible. You will have to find out why your child is ignoring you. When this reason is discovered, then the following steps will be very helpful in helping you turn the table so that your child will listen to you.

1. Listen to Your Child

It is very important that you listen to your child. Children always have a different view of things from their parents. The things you as a parent might consider as insignificant might be one of the most important things that matter the most to your child. So don’t be too busy all the time or too focused on only the things that you consider significant. Your child needs to feel that you are paying attention to him too.

2. Be Clear

When asking your child to do something, try to be as clear as possible. Avoid speaking when your child is not paying attention. Have his attention, and keep it clear and concise. It’s hard for kids to follow a series of instructions. Kids also have poor logical reasoning skills, because of this, it is not always obvious to them what they should do or not do in situations where they asked to do something or to not do something, to avoid confusion, give your child only one command at a time to focus on.

3. Make it Fun

Playing is how children learn. Bond with them, communicate and connect with your kids. Make your requests fun, a form of a game, race or song especially if your kid is already absorbed in some kind of play.

For instance, to find their shoes, tell your kids to imagine they’re on an expedition, “looking for a lesser-spotted shoe monster”. To get ready to for bedtime, pretend you’re a wacky nanny with a funny voice who will tickle them if they don’t get into bed right away.

4. Offer Choices

Kids are not robots programmed to do our bidding. They need to exercise their free will, which is why they often do exactly the opposite of what we ask them to. Threats and punishment don’t work. Offer your child choices. When all you do is shout commands at your children, rather than feeling sorry for not cooperating, they tend to become even more stubborn. But when you make them part of the decision, they are far more likely to do what is acceptable to you.

5. Remind Your Child

Kids usually know what they are supposed to do, they simply need to be reminded of it time to time. This reminder doesn’t have to be a full speech; this will only make them tune you down. Instead, make is simple and precise, a short phrase or even one word would do. So all you have to do is draw their memory back to what they are supposed to do.

6. Be Emphatic

Being clear in your message to your child is one thing; the other thing is he needs to know how important it is for him to do what he is asked to do. Put emphasis on the things you say. Don’t shout or yell, but be firm and decisive enough to communicate the importance of what you are saying.

7. Empower Your Child

State the facts instead of always issuing commands. Let your child have a kind of say in the things you ask of them. It is natural for kids to rebel against a constant order, so you have to stop giving order and commanding and start to have a conversation with your child. Let your kid have a little power, that way, they will feel that they are doing what they choose to do and not what they were commanded or ordered to do. This way, you get what you want to be done, done, without a fight.

Conclusion

When your kid ignores you, you have to understand why. Remember, he/she is a kid and sometimes he won’t listen to you. This is ok, it is normal; it is part of growing up. However, this behavior should be within limits. Ultimately, whether your kid isn’t listening to you or struggling with some other behavior issue, one of the best things you can do is to level with them, sit with them, and listen to them. Don’t just listen, take their feelings and concerns into consideration as well. After all, as an adult, you know that there is nothing better than having someone listen to you and try to understand where you are coming from. This is exactly what your child needs too, someone who would listen and try to understand him, not someone who shouts out commands and orders all the time without caring about how he feels or what he thinks about it.