What To Do When Your Kid Lies

Whether it is about homework, doing chores, hitting a sibling, stealing a cookie, breaking a vase, children are always likely to lie along the way. When children lie, it is almost always to get out of a situation, it is for self-protection, to deflect blame and get away with something wrong they did. Sometimes though, they tell lies without knowing it, because whether you know it or not, they are likely to believe the things you consider lies to be the truth. When this happens, don’t rush into action, yell or punish them, take your time, figure out why they lied and convince them that it is better to tell the truth always.

Why Do Kids Lie?

There are a lot of reasons that pushes kids into lying. Most of the time, however, it is to protect themselves from punishment for something wrong they did or to get away for not doing something they were supposed to do.

Here are a few common reasons why:

1. Self-Protection

Sometimes, kids automatically default to lying when they are afraid that they might get in trouble if the truth about what they did comes out. This is usually motivated by the fact that bad behavior results in harsh punishments from the parents, so to avoid the consequences of their actions, kids resort to lying to get away without punishment. So your reaction to your kids’ behaviors counts a lot in this situation. If your child is fearful of your reaction, he/she is more likely to lie than tell the truth, because as far as he/she is concerned, lying is the only way out or at least the easiest.

2. Wild Imagination

Kids probably have the wildest imaginations ever. They may tell you they have a live Unicorn living under the bed that only them can see, or that they didn’t do their homework because they went to the moon with Peter Pan. Perhaps the most amazing part of these situations is the fact that the kids actually believe in what they are saying sometimes. Kids have wonderful imaginations and sometimes they present their fantasies as truths. Don’t discourage your child’s imagination. Instead help your kid learn to recognize that fantasies are great, as long as you don’t present them as truths. With practice and coaching, your kid can eventually learn to tell you stories about his/her fantasies with clear clarifications that they are stories and not truths.

3. They Want to Seem Cool

Children may tell lies because they want to look cool either to their parents or friends. A child may tell a lie about his/her math grades to impress his/her parents. A boy may also lie to his friends about his home simply because he wants them to think that his home is cool. In an attempt to fit in with their peers, kids sometimes insist they’ve either endured similar experiences as their friends, or they attempt to impress their friends with their stories, sometimes by exaggerating the truth, or even outright lying. Children who lack confidence may tell lies to make themselves seem more impressive in the eyes of others to gain acceptance and approval. If your kid is lying to impress others, yourself included, chances are he/she feels insecure about the things they lie about. You have to help them build some self-confidence.

4. To Test a New Behavior

As kids grow, they learn, explore and discover. So when they learn that they can do one thing and tell a completely different story about it, the next thing they want to know is if they can get away with doing just that. So it becomes a trial for them, they’ll wonder, what happens if I lie about this situation? What will it do for me? What does it get me out of? What does it get me? Depending on your reaction as a parent towards this new found behavior, the child will know whether it is an acceptable behavior or it is off-limits.

5. White Lies

When parents encourage their kids to lie because telling the truth will hurt someone else’s feelings, this becomes an issue. The child may not know when to use such a tactic and when not to. So it becomes a matter of social skills, and a child might innocently pick up a lying habit through this.

6. To Get the Focus Off Themselves

This usually happens with kids who have anxiety, depression or other forms of abnormalities that puts them under constant focus. They lie because they don’t want to be under the spotlight all the time. You might hear them say things like, ‘I’m ok’, ‘I slept fine mum’ because they don’t want people worrying about them all the time.

How to Help Your Kid Stop Lying

Like any other inappropriate behavior, when your kid picks up lying, it is important that you handle it at its earliest stages and finds ways to help him/her.

1. Try to Understand Why Your child finds it Hard to Be Honest

It is important that you try to figure out why your child feels the need to lie. Once you have identified potential reasons as to why your child lies, encourage them to talk about their worries by calmly raising the issue in a supportive and warm manner. Perhaps your child lies about the marks they got in math because they are feeling overly pressurized to achieve, or maybe your child constantly lies because the punishment that comes with telling the truth is too severe. Consequences are supposed to be about teaching the child, not inflicting pain and distress. However, make your child understand that actions have consequences, so if you choose to do something wrong, you have to own up to it and not lie to get away. Let them know that they have to take responsibility for the choices they make, and that includes telling the truth no matter the situation.

2. Be a Role Model

Always remember you are the first example for your kids so you have to be the best of examples you can be and that includes being an honest parent. Speak the truth even in the smallest and silliest things that happen. Twisting the story or playing smart with your kids will only teach them to do the same with you and everyone else. So be honest and straight forward about all things especially when it has to do with you and your kids and/or a matter between them alone. You have to show they that there cannot be an excuse for lying and that the easier way is not always the best way.

3. Let Your Child Know That Lying Doesn’t Work

Teach your child the importance of telling the truth in every situation no matter how difficult it may seem. Make it clear that lying doesn’t work; instead, it makes people stop believing you even when you are being honest, because lying is what you are known for. Explain to them why it is important to always tell the truth.

4. Praise the Truth

Never miss a chance to praise your child for telling the truth, it encourages them to be more honest because, like adults, kids also like to be recognized and appreciated for the good things they do. Always be encouraging and positive whenever your child tells the truth and praise them for being honest. Say things like “thank you for telling me you broke the vase. It is always best to tell the truth no matter the situation”. You can also offer a kind of reward every time your child tells the truth; this will motivate them to keep on doing so.

5. Don’t Corner Your Child

Don’t put your child on the spot; this can set him up to lie. Trying to force the truth out of your child is not your best option. If you know the true story, instead of repeating the same question expecting the child to come clean, go right to the issue and discuss it with him. Say your kid didn’t do his homework and you know this, instead of asking him if he has done his homework, say “I know you didn’t do your homework. Let’s talk about why that is not a good idea”.

6. Don’t Call Your Child a Liar

No matter how much your child lies, never call him/her a liar. That would be a very big mistake. It will not just hurt them, it will also create a belief in them, making them feel bad about themselves and will probably no longer feel obligated to tell you the truth, because the belief would be, even if he/she does tell the truth, you will not believe it.

Conclusion

Remember that kids have reasons for lying and figuring that out is the first step to helping them put a stop to it. Don’t yell, confront or corner your kids, be calm and positive and avoid harsh punishment. Be reasonable and exemplary, and always recognize and praise your kids when they tell the truth. Never forget that you are their first example, so be honest in every single thing you do around them.