What To Do When Your Kid Steals

Doing wrong is an essential part of how kids learn, with parental guidance to do right; they learn the boundaries of acceptable behaviors. To do this, kids will steamroll through good, bad, acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. When your kid steals, you want to make sure he understands why it is wrong to steal, focus on the behavior, not the child. Don’t call him names, scream or yell at him, find out why he did it and tell him how disappointed in him you are, this is more effective than screaming, name calling or harsh punishments.

Why Do Kids Steal?

Sometimes kids just want what someone else has, and don’t do much thinking before snatching it. Other times it is to impress friends, or perhaps to pay for gifts for friends or family to feel accepted and approved, the list goes on.

Here are a few common reasons why pkids steal:

1. Poor Impulse Control

To a child, life is simple. He sees something shiny, nice, or potentially delicious and he grabs it. The concept that some things don’t belong to him may set in, but that primal desire to grab them doesn’t fade. Your child is probably not evil, poor impulse control is a developmental stage, kids see something they want, they just take it. They mostly do this without any judgement as to the rightness or wrongness of the action. Instead of guilt, they feel relief that their craving is satisfied. The more impulsive the child, the more likely he is to help himself to things. Children under four have a difficulty distinguishing between “mine” and “yours”. Everything is potentially “mine”. To them, possession means ownership and they don’t know that pocketing a candy at the supermarket is stealing until you tell them so.

2. Angry Kids

Angry kids might resort to stealing and there are various reasons that could be responsible for this. A change in the family situation, a good example is divorce. This anger can lead to the child being insensitive to the feelings of others or he may even enjoy hurting others. Lack of connection between you and your child can also be responsible for this behavior, when the child feels disconnected and left out, he finds a way to deal with these issues and this might lead to stealing.

3. Retaliation

Kids also steal to get back at someone. When a kid feels victimized by an older sibling or a friend, he might steal from them to get even. Bruce might steal Jane’s most priced Barbie Doll, because Jane accidentally broke his remote control toy car. This is very common; it is entirely about getting even with the other person, it is seeking justice in their own way.

4. Jealousy

Kids are very jealous. If for example your son feels that you favor his older sister over him, he might steal from her. It is therefore useful to listen attentively to the emotions behind some of the things your kids say and discuss their feelings in a positive non-judgmental way. However, this jealousy is not only limited in the house. It could stem from something your kid sees with a friend but can’t get. It is important that you listen when your son comes telling you to get him the latest remote toy car like the one his friend has got. If you can’t afford it, explain to him that you can’t, and make sure he understands that you love him and if you could, you would get him all the latest toys in the world.

5. To Look Cool

When growing up, kids are always in constant competition against one another, to see who the coolest, bravest etc. This is a part of growing up; it is a struggle for acceptance and approval from friends and peers. To prove worthy, a kid might steal, at this stage, it is about identifying with others either in school or in the neighborhood. The more daring a kid is, the more approved and respected they become among their peers and friends, and this might lead to kids stealing just to prove their fearlessness. They are usually very bad thieves at this stage, which is why they almost always get caught. Low self-esteem is another factor that might cause a kid to steal.

6. Demands from a Bully

If your kid is sneaking extra cookies or the change you left on the kitchen table into his school bag every day, it could be because a bully at school is making demands for such things from him. You will likely feel betrayed and disappointed when you find out, because he should trust you enough to tell you when he is being bullied in school. However, you should understand that kids are sometimes too shy to admit that another kid is picking on them or sometimes they are just too scared of the bully to tell anyone even their parents.

Why is Stealing Bad for Your Child?

It goes without saying that stealing is most definitely not good for your child. Bad childhood habits if untamed, develops into adulthood therefore affecting the life of the individual. Stealing is a crime punishable by imprisonment and/or fine. Stealing makes your child ignorant to the fact that it takes hard work to get nice and fancy things, to him, no work is required, you see what you want, you take it, it is as simple as that. So when you find out that your kid is stealing, sit him down and have an open conversation about why it is not right to take something that belongs to someone else. Make him understand that if you want something, there are ways to get, like working for it. Try to also show the other side of the story to your child, ask him how he would feel if someone took his things just like that. It is also difficult to shake off the label of ‘thief’ once caught. If their friends and school find out, it will damage their reputation and you don’t want that for your child.

How to Help Your Child Stop Stealing

At some point, almost all children steal, whether it’s a cookie, a toy, a candy from the grocery store, or an eraser from a classmate, kids are bound to take something that doesn’t belong to them. This does not make your child a bad child, it doesn’t mean that your child will end up in juvenile, but it means that you have some work to do to help you child understand that it is wrong and unacceptable to steal.

1. Find Out Why

Get to the root of the problem. If your child is stealing the change you leave on the kitchen table every day, find out why. Is the money you are giving him not enough? Is he gambling at school? Is a bully making him do it? Whatever the case is, figuring out why your kid steals, is the first step to helping him put an end to it.

2. Have a Frank Talk with Your Kid

As a parent, it is your job to instill good morals in your child. So if you caught your child stealing, don’t let it go. If you do, you will be failing as a parent to stop them from stealing. If this is the first time, deal with it calmly and reasonably, ask him why he stole, what did he need so badly that he had to steal? Tell him it is wrong because there is always a victim, and stealing is illegal and it could get him a criminal record which will affect his chances of future employment and reputation. Make sure you listen carefully to his own side of the story as well, and try and help him find a way to solve the problem behind the behavior, that way, he will understand that he can deal with his feeling and issues in ways other than stealing.

3. Correct the Steal

Getting the thief to give back the goods sometimes requires masterful negotiating. Encouraging and helping the child to return stolen goods teaches not only that stealing is wrong, but also that wrongs must be made right. In situations where you child steals money from you and spends it, you can make him work to repay the stolen money. This doesn’t have to be extreme, the purpose is not to cause pain or distress, it is to teach the child that actions have consequences.

4. Encourage and Praise Honesty

When you eight-year old son find somebody’s wallet, and brings it to you, praise him to the limit for his actions. This will plant the idea that when you find something that doesn’t belong to you, the right thing to do is to give it back.

Conclusion

When growing kids tend to test the limits as to what kind of behavior is acceptable and which ones are off-limits. Stealing is one of those behaviors. When you catch you child stealing, remember that it is part of growing up and that it doesn’t mean that you child is a bad child or that he/she will end up in juvenile. However, you will have to help them put an end to this behavior, and you can do that using the steps outlined above.