What To Do When Your Kid is a Bully

No responsible parent would ever be proud to hear that their kid is a bully. It might also come as a shock to some because their kid is probably the nicest kid and they believe that they have raised him or her up with good principles. In this case, accepting that your child has a problem and that they are a bully takes real courage because most parents would not want to come to terms with that reality. However, this is something that parents need to take seriously and address immediately because of the negative impact bullying can have on the kid or kids that your child bullies. The first step to helping your child is to admit that your child has a problem and to remember that bullies are often charming to adults.

The consequences of being a bully are quite evidential later in life, if not for all, but for some. Children who bully have a higher risk of drug abuse, alcohol abuse in adolescence and even adults as well as a great risk of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and developing an anti-social personality. They are also likely to get into fights, vandalize property, engage in an early sexual activity and even drop out of school. These are mainly due to the cause of bullying.

Before getting into the solutions, you must first identify if your child is a bully or not.

These are some clear warning signs that your child bullies other

• When your child shows violent character perhaps by being threatening or throwing things around.
• A more obvious one is getting into physical or verbal fights with others that he or she is stronger or bigger than.
• Begins to acquire extra cash that cannot be explained because you had not given it to him or her, or belongings that are not theirs which was not also given to them by anyone you know.
• His or her friends are also bullies.
• Always has the urge to win at all cost or be the best at everything regardless of knowing that he or she is not capable of beating others. This is caused by an inflated ego, that he or she is stronger and capable than any other person.
• When your kid begins to get aggressive towards parents, teachers and other adults and shows no regret or acts oblivious of what he or she has done.
• Has a need to control and dominate others and situation. Your kid may always want to be the one in charge, to act like a boss and order others around him.
• The victims of boy bullies are always weaker male students and your kid will be much stronger than them and so they stand no chance of being able to protect their selves or put up a fight.
• Girl bullies want to win at all cost
• They are hot tempered, impulsive and easily frustrated. If you notice that your kid gets easily infuriated that other children then he or she may be exhibiting his bullying nature.
• Often test limits, boundaries and break rules. They are always disobedient due to their ego and the fact that they try to prove how strong they are to promote fear.
• They are good at talking their way out of difficult situations.
• They are not sympathetic to their victims
• They get satisfaction from the fear or pain their victims suffer which keeps them coming back for more. This turns out to be a game for them and so it is fun when they bully.
• They are good at hiding their behavior from authority figures.
• They refuse to take responsibility for their problems and instead shift it to others
• They get into trouble a lot and get sent to the Principal’s office or detention.

Why would your kid resort to bullying when he or she gets all the love and care they need? This can be a very troubling question for parents and that is why I have outlined some reasons why kids resort to bullying:

1. They have the need to be in control. By bullying they control, their victim’s life by terrorizing them and giving them instructions which their victims follow out of fear.
2. They lack empathy and compassion for others feelings so they hardly think what they are doing is bad. When a kid does not understand how to express these feelings, they don’t express it all or they express it in the best way they know how. Some parents do not set examples for their kids to follow. They do not know how to be sympathetic or show compassion for others around them.
3. Kids may be looking for an escape, a way they can let out their anger. Kids can become bullies because of certain events that may have happen in their lives that you as apparent may not know about. Or it might be something that you know but refused to speak about, this can make kids very angry and lash out at their peers because that is the only way to let go.
4. They may also have low self- esteem and so they are not confident of themselves. They want people to take them seriously and to do so; they bully anyone they feel might look down on them.
5. Peer influence can also be a factor because kids easily make friends but to remain in the click you need to be cool. Now if our kid is part of a group of kids that bully, he or she will do the same so that they are accepted. They do it just to impress their peers.
6. Kids may come from families that bully too
7. Do not receive adequate parental attention or supervision.
8. They may be victims of bulling and are trying to take revenge

Steps to take to stop your kid from bulling

1. When you first discover that your kid is a bully, try to remain calm. Do not rush to confront your kid because that would not help.
2. Try to find out why your kid is behaving this way by listening to them and hearing their own side of the story or situation. Try to find out what’s making your kid angry or acting this way.
3. Explain to your child the consequences of bullying to him as the bully and to the one that is being bullied.
4. Teach your kid to be empathetic. The importance of empathy is to help your kid understand how other people feel. You could do this by volunteering in an animal shelter or donating or getting him involved in some of these selfless activities where he or she could have a little exposure and experience from real life situations.
5. Tell them that they can change and that no one is born being a bully. It is important that your child understand how the bullied child feels and the outcome of the bullying. Teach them how to handle conflicts.
6. Do not be afraid to discipline your child if they are consistently bullying others so that your kid understands the consequences of what happens when you bully others.
7. One of the most important things is communicating with your child’s teacher. Listen to their perspective and make sure that you both work as a team to stop your kid from bullying others.
8. Spend time with your kid. Who knows, he might have just been looking for a attention all these while. Try to create time to spend with your kid each day, ask about their day and tell them about yours.
9. Bullying is not a casual affair, it is quite serious and can have long life repercussion so make sure you take is very seriously. Make it completely clear that you do not approve of bullying and this will help them take you seriously and know that you would not want them to do such a bad thing again.
10. Try to learn about your kid’s social life. This does not mean that you spy on them but get to know their friends and the type of kids they move around with so that you ensure that your kid is not led astray.
11. The best way to encourage good behavior is to be good, yourself, and to continually promote good attitude.

I conclusion, bullying is not a thing that should be tolerated or encouraged in our society. Kids are going to grow up and be leaders in their workplace, homes, government departments etc and if they believe that this attitude is good, that is how they will grow up to bully others that they work with.