What To Do When Your Kid Lies and Cheat

Lying and cheating are not good characters that any parent would be proud that their kid possesses. One may also wonder with how little they may be sometimes, what makes kid lie and cheat. They can fabricate stories and you wonder where they got these ideas from. Well, you should know that lying peaks between the ages of 6 and 10. A study at the University of Waterloo, in Ontario, observed that some kids at 4 years lied once every two hours, some 6 years old kids lied at a clip of every 90 minutes. This could be due to the assumption that kids at this age, do not really understand the consequences of lying. It is believed that kids lie at different stages like these:

• From 0 to 3, kids are in a confused state where they are dependent on adults for their survival. Things that look like lies are often honest mistakes, or efforts to protect themselves or an adaptation of what they hear or see.
• Children that are age 3 to 7 are still figuring out the difference between fantasy and reality. They create imaginary worlds to play in.
• From 5 to 10 kids slowly develop an understanding of what it means to lie. This is a stage where they become aware of what lying is even they might not grab the full consequences of the action.
• From 10 upward, they know perfectly well what lying and cheating is and the full consequences of their actions.

So when dealing with a lying and cheating kid use the best-suited technique that will match their age and understanding:

Here are some tips on how to deal with a lying and cheating child

1. Act cool

One of the mistakes parents do is to get really upset or start expressing their anger quickly or disappointment.  It is not easy to stay calm but remember that as parents our kids observe our every move. Because of this, we have to be role models and at all times and so, we must exhibit good characters. If you want your kids to be honest, then act that way towards others and in whatever you do. You cannot be dishonest, lying or cheating and expect your kid to do differently. Remember that kids learn from our actions, so if you do even a little dishonest act like taking too much change or even telling a friend that you are on your way while you still at home, all of these can set an example for your kid.

Stay calm as best as you can. Getting angry will not make your kid change automatically when they lie or cheat. If you do get angry it will take the focus off the issue and put it on how you reacted to what he did. If you just discovered that your kid lied to you or cheated on a test at school, calm down and count to 10. Do not immediately approach them but let them be comfortable before raising the topic. Talk to him or her in a calm manner and make them open up to you. Kids will often even try to add more lies if they feel unsafe or are scared of telling you the truth, others might just keep quiet.

2. Change your questioning

Do not ask questions that you already know the answer to. By doing this, you give your kid the opportunity to invent stories. So instead of asking ‘did you walk the dog when you got home from school?’, it’s better to ask ‘do you plan on walking the dog right before you do your homework or right after dinner?’. With this type of question, you give your kid the chance to do the right thing and avoid lying by doing it in the future.

3. Find out what he or she is avoiding

When your child is being dishonest, try to understand what might be the cause of it. Instead of directly challenging him of lying, you can just encourage him to tell you the truth. You could tell him “ that sounds like a bit of a tale to me. You seem to be afraid to tell me the truth. You do not have to be scared to talk to me”. By reassuring him or her of your understanding, they will feel more at ease to tell you why they lied. You can always offer your kid’s books that teach them about lying or cheating. These will expand their knowledge on what they are doing. From what I have seen, low motivated students tend to cheat the least because cheating takes more effort than simply not doing the work at all. Moderate achieving students tend to cheat to get out of doing their own work. High achieving students tend to cheat for competitive advantage as they strive to get ahead.

4. Have the right punishments

Lying and cheating are truly bad characters that should not be entertained by any parent but they also do not need to be treated harshly. When your child acts dishonestly and owns u to what he has done, make sure to praise him for it. For kids that lie and cheat let their actions take a logical and natural consequence which will serve as their punishment.

When a child is dishonest about completing a task allow the events to run their course. This is how natural consequences work, for instance, if your kid did not wash the dishes, and then serve their dinner in on a paper towel. This will make him understand the consequences of his actions. Just remember that kids at times can just lie even though you try to teach them the results of their actions. The punishment is meant to teach him that his actions could have ruined the whole families dinner and to ensure he gets it, you can put him in charge of setting the table for dinner that week.

While in logical consequences, this will make your kid willingly want to make amends to the situation. Take the scenario mentioned above, now instead of punishing your kid by putting his dinner on a paper towel, you can express how you feel by saying ‘ your behavior has made me upset and is causing me stress, you need to make this up to me somehow”. You have now put your kid in the position to take responsibility by offering to help out in one way or another.

5. Praise your kid

Learn to praise your kid when he or she tells you the truth. Tell them how glad you are that they told you about it. This sends a message that you won’t get upset when they own up to something.

In conclusion, our kids will not lie forever and that is why it is important that we make an effort to teach them the right thing to do early. As a parent, your job is to teach your child the right thing to do. Teach them to face their problem head on and not result in lying or cheating to try and evade it. With time, your kid will learn to do without lying.