What To Do When Your Teenage Child Doesn’t Want To Do Chores

Parents generally get caught in a nagging cycle out of habit; we get stuck in repetitive behaviors just like kids do. Personally, I think giving a general reminder is fine. It’s perfectly okay for parents to say, “All right guys, let’s get to work now.” But after that, they need to get started. The problem with nagging, of course, is that it doesn’t work. Too many times, parents continue to do things that don’t work because they don’t have any other options. Once you turn your back on your child, they stop doing their chores—and then you have to get back on top of them, and the whole cycle repeats itself. With teenagers, this can very frustrating because they can be very annoying with their remarks and smirks or sarcasm, which can just make you get really mad.

If you feel like you’re constantly on top of your teenage kids, trying to get them to do their household chores, here are some effective things you can do to give yourself—and them—a break.

Steps to follow to get your teenage kids to do chores

1. Stop the show

I personally believe that parents really need to learn to stop the show. You might wonder, what does this mean? If your child is not doing his chores, you simply stop everything and tell him or her to have a seat and talk to them about it. You must have a conversation with your kid because, at their age, they are matured enough to understand what they are doing. Find out what his plans are after he finishes the chores and try to motivate him to do it so that he can get enough time to focus on whatever he wants to do later. Appealing to your kid’s self-interest is way effective than explaining the abstract concept of responsibility because at their age they actually know their responsibility but do not want to do it.

2. Do not turn the chore into punishment

Parents are advised not to use chores as a means of punishment. If somebody misbehaves and does something wrong, don’t give them a consequence of doing the dishes for example. The only time this is acceptable is when your child does something wrong to another sibling. In order to make amends—to right the wrong—they do that person’s chore for them. That’s a physical way of saying, “I was wrong to do that and I’m doing your chore to show you that I’m sincere.” That’s the only time when I advocate that parents use chores as something more than an assigned task.

3. Assign Specific Chores Ahead of Time

Asking your teen to do a spontaneous chore can lead to an argument. Put yourself in that situation, where your boss keeps giving you random assignments at work which makes you close late or interferes with your schedule, you would definitely be upset.  If you see your teen watching TV on Saturday morning and you suddenly ask, “Can you please clean the garage now?” you’re likely going to get a negative answer.

When possible, make your expectation clear ahead of time to avoid upsetting your kid. Assign regular chores that you expect to be completed routinely – such as emptying the dishwasher and cleaning the bathroom. Make spontaneous requests to complete extra chores once in a while.

4. Offer Some Flexibility

The teenage years are the perfect time to learn valuable life skills, such as self-discipline and self-control. Offering a little flexibility and freedom around chores gives your teen an opportunity to practice these skills which is a very good thing.

You can tell your teen he can use his electronics or enjoy his or her other privileges once their chores are completed. Then, leave it up to him to decide when to get to work or not. He’ll learn to manage his time better when he’s able to make small choices on his own because he will be faced with the consequences of his decisions later.

5. Pay Commission

Some parents would pay an allowance for all chores, while others will need kids to chip in and help out without the expectation of being paid. By paying your kid an allowance you are training him or her to care less about family and see everything as an opportunity to make money.

This is why; a middle of the road approach is a good way to instill valuable life lessons while still teaching responsibility. Your kid needs to know that family helps out one another and that the chores are not just for him or her alone, but for the benefit of others too.

In certain circumstances, you can pay your kids a commission. Consider paying your teen for extra chores that you might hire someone to do. Babysitting younger siblings, mowing the grass, or raking the lawn might be paid a commission. Cleaning his room, doing the dishes, and helping with meals are just part of being a good citizen and a good daughter or son.

6. Be clear on the Consequences

Some parents find it hard to follow through on their word and do not carry out any punishment at all. This might be due to the inability to think of the right punishment to give or just not having the courage to see their kid suffer a little. Whatever the case, make it known what will happen if your teenager doesn’t do his chores. Whether you simply don’t allow him or her to earn any money, or you take away his privileges, make sure your teen knows it’s up to him to decide his fate.

If he chooses not to do his chores, follow through with the consequences, without giving him reminders. It is better to discipline now than feel sorry later.

7. Avoid Buying Everything for Your Teen

If you purchase everything your teen wants, or you give him unlimited privileges regardless of how much work he puts in, he won’t be motivated to do his chores. At the end of the day, you will just be raising up a lazy teen. Cover the basic necessities, but don’t hand over spending money or extra privileges just because your teen asks. Make them know the value of work and how important it is to do something worthy.

8. Offer One Reminder Only

You can offer an “If…then” statement to remind him of the consequences. Try saying, “If you don’t get the bathroom cleaned before bedtime, then you won’t be allowed to use your electronics tomorrow.” Then, leave it up to him if he is going to do it. After all, you won’t be there to nag him to clean his room when he’s 30.

Chores can be a major source of contention in many families—especially when teenagers are involved. And it can be tempting to nag your teen to get up and get moving when she’s not making the effort. But, nagging isn’t a good idea. Constant reminders are likely to make your teen less motivated and less responsible. Many parents just don’t understand why cleaning house has to be such a big deal.  Your kids aren’t just kids anymore. They’re a few years from adulthood and they’re desperate for more independence. How best are your preparing them for the outside world.  This is why it’s important for kids to have chores. And chores are a great way to teach teens to be more responsible.