What To Do When Your Child is Being Bullied at School

This is one of the most dangerous situations a kid could pass through. It has life-long repercussion on the one being bullied and can really ruin the life. Kids these days are so open to various forms of bullying and parents hardly get to know until it’s too late because kids do not say anything at times. Another thing is that, for those kids that speak up, their parents may take a wrong approach to the matter and make it even worst or some might even ignore and tell the kid to man up especially if it is a boy involved. Kids that are different, weaker physical and often powerless are those that get picked on a lot and so, they need the most protection and support. This can only come from parents that love and care for their children. Parents should know that kids do not always come to tell you that they are being bullied; some kids bear the shame and humiliation alone but exhibit it through some signs. It is the responsibility of every parent to take note of these signs and the steps that will be listed below in order to help your kid when he or she is being bullied.

Signs to look for when your kid is being bullied at school

• When your kid begins to refuse to go to school
• Recurring stomachache, headache, and other physical complaints
• Agitation and moodiness which has no genuine reason
• Lack of sleep including nightmares and difficulty falling asleep
• Lack of appetite and changes in eating habits
• Bedwetting
• Appearing sad, sometimes lonely and anxious with no cause at all for such attitude
• Less socialization by avoiding peer interaction after school and on weekends
• Wanting to be a lone more often
• Unwilling to do other things and sulking most times
• Feeling less capable and low self-esteem
• Afraid of riding the bus to school
• Sudden change in school performance, through poor grades
• Communication about suicide through statements or social media posts eg “no one will care if I died today”

The most obvious sign or one that parents take note of, is the refusal to go to school. Especially if it is a kid that used to feel really happy to attend classes and do assignments. So, when such a kid suddenly changes their behavior and you can see any reason as to why they would not want to go to school, then this raise a red flag and this lets parents assume that there must be something wrong with his peers or at school. Anyway, if your notice some or few of those signs stated above make the effort to find out if it is bullying. It is better you clear out your doubts than regret later.

In the event that your kid is being bullied, try to follow the steps below which is listed to handle the matter properly.

1. Avoid making assumptions

The most important thing is to have an open mind. Do not try to find out who is at fault first or to try and shift the blame on any party. Do not ask your kid questions like ‘did you do something to them first?’ or ‘did you say something to upset these kid?’ by asking questions like that you make your kid look like he might have caused the problem and this will only worsen the situation and make them feel bad. Bullying should not be and excuse to get back at someone, because it is continuous and those that bully do not just do it once, they keep repeating the process. So, do not make the victim feel as though, he or she deserves the bullying.

2. Comment on changes and watch for nonverbal clues

Kids most of the time hardly tell their parents that they are being bullied. At times, they feel that the bully will one day stop or that they can handle it on their own. If your kid isn’t talking, don’t force them to. Instead, look for clues by watching them closely. If you want your kid to talk to you, try to initiate the conversation when they are calm and fell loved and supported by you. Once kids feel protected, they will trust you and open up.

3. Don’t schedule a meeting with the other kid or kids

It is usually is a bad move if you schedule a meeting with the kids that are bullying. Things might get awkward and the bullies’ parents will most times take a defensive stance. It is also not easy for the victim to face his aggressor especially when the bully is in a position of power.

4. Do ask the teacher for help

You can’t be everywhere at every time and if this is happening in the school, then you need to enlist the help of his or her teacher. A lot of bullying occurs in the bus, cafeteria and during recess, so it is your child’s teacher that can easily address the situation. He or she is at a better position to notice any changes in your child’s behavior and emotional state. Teachers and school administrators have a responsibility to provide a safe and happy environment for your kid.

5. Identify a touchstone

Every kid needs a touchstone at school. Someone that they can go for help. Since kids spend most of their days at the school with teachers and other kids, they need a trusted person in their school that they can run to for help or support. Hence, you need to identify a safe person who can help your kid when the bullying continues so that they do not feel left alone and unprotected.

6. Get support from the school

Many schools do not tolerate bullying and they have anti-bullying policies too. They also offer different forms of peer support through counseling and some children are even trained in active listening or meditation skills to relieve them of the effects of bullying. These people are usually called peer mentors, supporters, counselors, listeners or mediator in secondary schools while in primary they are called friendship or playground buddies, playtime pals or peacemakers. Take note of these few tips on how to get support from the school:

• Before you approach the school, list all the facts, which will include; what happened, who was involved, when it occurred, who witnessed it or anything your child did at that moment whether it was good or bad.
• Do not let your emotions take control of you and you go barging into the alcohol anyhow. Make sure to get an appointment with the class teacher or head of school.
• Go with an open mind and aim to work with the school and make it clear that you are seeking the school’s help in finding a solution.
• Do not go accusing the school. This just worsens the situation because at times teachers are the last to find out that their kids are being bullied.
• Exercise patients and allow the school to deal with the matter but make sure to keep in touch and follow up on the matter.

Finally, if things do not improve you could think of a last option. You could withdraw your kid from the school. If that is not easy for you then continue to be your kid’s advocate and keep a bullying diary. Write down very incident as soon as possible. You could take this up to the board of the school and even your area educational heads such as Governors and Education Department. Or you could just home school your child if he or she is too stressed to return to school.